Fucking crazy I tell you. If you haven't heard one of my most bizarre NYC stories here it is for you:
Jess and I were walking down the street about a block away from our home. It was a beautiful day, sun shining through blue skies, birds chirping as we walked past a park with benches full of people smiling, basking in the delicious June weather. I was on my way to work with the hopes of making lots of money and Jess was on her way to Fedex to fax job resumes, also in the hopes of making lots of money, when suddenly a man about 10 feet in front of us who had gone unnoticed up until this very moment dropped his pants. Without even thinking about it, I knew what was going to happen next, I had heard of this very thing occurring on the sidewalks of New York City but thought it possibly a myth, perhaps a once in a lifetime occurrence. As I squeezed Jess' hand and said HOLY SHIT, the man in front of us did just that. He shit. I tell you no lie. We did what any New Yorker would do in that moment---we kept walking. As we walked past him, acting as if nothing was happening, we passed 2 women up ahead on the sidewalk. The first, a middle-aged business woman walking quickly to her destination, just shook her head as if she had seen this sort of thing often. The second chick was the gem...as she strolled down 10th street eating her ice cream with a spoon, we watched as her brain processed the sight she was beholding---it morphed from "it's a lovely day to walk down a tree-lined street, eating my ice cream" to "what the fuck is that man with his pants down doing" to "holy shit where is my phone I have to call everyone back home that I know." It was priceless, all faces within 6 seconds.
Once I arrived at work, with a story to tell EVERYONE, I got to working. I was near the door when a man (possibly homeless) came into the restaurant. He mumbled to himself and tried to ask me a few questions about the food and proceeded to tell me a story about an uncooked hamburger he had one time at a restaurant. I nodded and tried to make eye contact with anyone else in the area because I knew this was going nowhere. As no one came to my rescue I guided him over to the counter where he could make whatever purchase he was interested in. He bought a cookie and a coffee and took a seat next to where I was setting up. He sat down, took off the lid of his cup and began talking into his cup o' joe. He raised his other hand up into the air in full throttle Praise Jesus(!) stance! Half of the people around him ignored him, while the other half stared. He continued his one sided conversation for about 10 minutes until he stood up, threw his trash in the umbrella basket from 5 feet away as if he were on the Knicks and it was a trash can. He asked me for a smoke or a light. After denying him his nicotine fix, he pulled out his nail clippers and clipped the air in Praise Jesus stance, clipping away. After the air had it's nails nice and trim, he left, mumbling to Jesus and out of my life.
